Never Marry a Stranger Read online

  But he only bent his head and pressed a soft, brief kiss to her lips. “Trust has nothing to do with it.”

  Then he unwrapped the blanket from his hips and slid beneath the bedcovers. He didn’t hide his arousal from her, nor did it seem he was going to act upon it, which disappointed her. But she could show patience, too.

  Deliberately remaining unclothed, she sank beneath the blankets on her side of the bed. Coming up on her elbow, she blew out the candle, telling herself she wasn’t hiding.

  She chose her next words carefully. “So you’ll continue to lie to your family?”

  “Yes. And you will, too.”

  He had no problem with this—he truly had decided to do whatever he wanted with his life.

  “Trust me, lying will wear on you,” she said softly.

  After a few minutes of silence, when she knew by his breathing that he wasn’t asleep, she said, “While you were in India, you wrote your family that you were married.” She heard his inhalation, but went ahead quickly. “I was worried that you had forgotten her, and that I was wrongfully taking another woman’s place. If she needed you, then it would be my fault. I couldn’t have lived with that. So I searched your trunk.”

  He sighed, but when he spoke, his voice was lightly amused. “You’re very thorough, aren’t you?”

  She relaxed a bit. “All I found was one letter of condolence. I burned it. I had nowhere to hide it where it wouldn’t be discovered. I’m sorry, Matthew. I didn’t mean to treat lightly the memory of your wife. And now because of me you cannot even share your grief with your family.”

  “I would not be sharing my grief, regardless of you,” he said impassively. “She’s dead, she’s in my past, and I don’t need to talk about it. Good night, Emily.”

  She heard him roll over, and before she could even compose another question, he was softly snoring. It was that easy just to forget every revelation they’d exchanged? Of course, it hadn’t been a revelation to him; he’d known about her lies from the beginning. Her mind returned to everything they’d done in the last few days so she could examine it all in a new light.

  Matthew awoke to the now familiar morning ritual of Emily sleeping against his side. They were tangled pleasantly together, her knee between his, her arm flung across his chest.

  But this morning she was naked, and that made everything so much better. Her smooth breasts were pressed against his side, and he could feel the warm moistness between her thighs against his hip.

  He looked down at her face, so sweet in repose. Much as she’d brought him infinite trouble, he really was back from the dead. All the lies had been revealed. Why couldn’t they just start fresh, enjoy each other, and see what happened?

  He came up on his elbow, letting his fingers smooth the blond hair back from her cheek. She wrinkled her nose, then began to move, stretching her body sleekly against his side. He could have groaned with the pleasure of it.

  Blinking once or twice, she opened slumberous blue eyes and looked up at him. He smiled, and before she could overthink the situation, he leaned down and kissed her. Her lips were so soft, so sweetly plump. When he deepened the kiss hungrily, she pushed a hand against his chest.

  “Matthew, don’t!” she said firmly. “You know this can’t continue.”

  “I don’t see any harm in continuing as we are for now,” he said, pressing kisses along her cheek and down her neck. He felt her stiffening but he didn’t stop.

  “I don’t want to be just your mistress,” she whispered.

  He slid farther down her body, kissing the wings of her collarbones, the hollow in the center, then farther down to the warm valley between her breasts. “I’ve already paid for you with comfort and security. You accepted it. How can you be squeamish now?”

  She said nothing for a moment, but how else did she expect to be treated after everything she’d set in motion?

  He tugged the sheet a little farther, not quite uncovering the luscious peaks of her breasts. He ran his tongue along the edge. He could hear her breathing quicken. To stop any more protests, he tugged the sheet to her waist, baring the beautiful bounty of her bosom.

  As he bent to them, she put her hand in his way. He arched a brow as he looked up at her across her naked body.

  She was blushing, her lips parted with her ragged breathing, but she whispered urgently, “Matthew, I don’t want a baby to become entangled in this mess!”

  “There won’t be a baby,” he said, easily dismissing her concerns. “I was mindless last night, but I won’t make that mistake again.”

  And then he began to slowly taste her nipples, licking and suckling until she writhed under him, her protests forgotten. The scent of her captivated him; the smooth, silky texture of her skin drew his fingers.

  He rolled onto his back until she was above him, straddling him, her breasts bouncing until he thought he’d go mad if he couldn’t have them again.

  “Take me, Emily,” he said hoarsely, arching his hips, letting her feel his erection between her thighs. He ran his hands over her thighs and hips, urging her to lift herself.

  Her expression was full of innocence and passion and dawning understanding. He taught her to guide him into her, and when at last she sank onto him, surrounding him with her moist heat, they both gasped together.

  “Am I hurting you?” he said.

  “No.” As she adjusted to the feel of him, she leaned forward on her hands and murmured hesitantly, “But then…I assumed it would hurt just the first time.”

  He held her hips still so he could focus on her. “And you hid your pain from me?”

  She lowered her eyes. “I can’t talk—like this.”

  The heat and tightness of her seduced away his senses, but he had a last moment of clarity. “Don’t hide your feelings from me, not ever again.”

  She met his gaze, searching his, he knew. She didn’t trust him. But they didn’t need trust to enjoy each other, now that the truth had been revealed. He lifted her hips and pulled her down on him again to prove that to her. She moaned and arched back, taking him even deeper.

  “Now you,” he said, lifting himself up on his elbows until his lips just brushed her nipple.

  She cried out his name and pushed her breast against him, but he dropped his head back.

  “Move on me, use me to find what pleasures you, Emily.”

  And then she was moving, awkwardly at first, but when she found her rhythm, when she took the control away from him, he thought he’d die from the bliss. He molded her breasts with his hands, used his mouth to seduce delighted cries from her, all the while feeling his own pleasure rush over him. He held back, aching with the need to succumb as she increased the pace.

  When he felt her release shudder through her body, he rolled until she was beneath him again, gave a couple thrusts that were too close to the edge, and then withdrew, climaxing against her thigh.

  To his surprise, Emily held her arms about his shoulders, running her fingers through his hair.

  He met her gaze at last. “No baby,” he said, wearing a wry grin.

  She nodded, her expression more solemn than his, but he understood. She was the one who would bear the burden, not him. But although she probably wouldn’t believe it, he would never let her bear it alone.

  “Now we need to face the day,” he continued, wiping away his seed with a sheet, then rolling off her and bounding out of bed. It was amazing how good revelations—and sex—could make a man feel. “Get up, sweetheart, so I can pull this sheet off the bed.”

  She frowned in confusion, so he picked her up and deposited her feet first on the floor.

  “We don’t want your maid to see the evidence of your virginity,” he said.

  Her blush swept right down her body, and he enjoyed the sight as he threw back the counterpane and blankets. “It is a shame we can’t stay right here, but my family wouldn’t understand. Or perhaps they would,” he mused.

  “But your cousins,” she said too quickly. “They will only b
e here briefly.”

  “Trying to get rid of me, Emily?” he asked as he pulled the sheet from the bed.

  It was a playful taunt, yet she paled again, and turned that delectable body away from him to shrug into her dressing gown. He swiftly put his arms around her from behind, then cupped her breasts before she could cover them.

  “You can’t take everything so seriously,” he admonished, knowing that although she might resist his touch mentally, she quivered beneath his caresses.

  She put her hands over his, holding them still against her. “This is my life, Matthew. It’s all I have, and I’ve had to do terrible things to protect it. It isn’t easy to know that my sins have become an amusement to you.”

  He gripped her hands, and pulled her even tighter against him. “Forgive me.”

  She gave a sad laugh. “Forgive you? There is nothing to forgive. I don’t understand how you can forgive me.”

  She broke away from him and fled to the dressing room.

  Chapter 20

  Emily took a slow bath, hoping Matthew would come in, all naked and tempting. The more they could become enraptured with each other, the better for her.

  Her stomach twisted with pain at her continued betrayal, but she had no choice. She told herself that she would make him happy, keep him from ever knowing about Stanwood. She wouldn’t think about love; she didn’t really even know Matthew, just as he didn’t know her.

  But never before had she met a man she wanted to know more than him.

  And now she was beginning to know his body, and the magic he was capable of making her feel.

  She knew he considered her secrets an amusement. He wanted the comfort of her in his bed, with no courtship, no commitment on his part. Though such a plan was tentative at best, she had no other choice.

  She was his mistress. She owed everything to him, from the roof over her head to the clothes on her back. She owed him.

  And she owed it to him to keep him and his family safe.

  Thank goodness it was Saturday and she did not have to make excuses for why she wouldn’t leave the estate and teach school. Stanwood would have to wait to get her alone.

  When she emerged from the dressing room after dismissing Maria, Matthew was waiting for her in their bedroom, dressed for the day.

  He looked down her body, smiling. “You look lovely today.”

  “Thank you.” His sweet words and attention soothed her. She’d worn a green gown with yellow ribbons, because it reminded her of spring, when everything seemed fresh and full of promise.

  “Are you ready to greet the family at breakfast?”

  She cocked her head. “And is there something special about it?”

  “Only that now that we’ve been intimate, people will notice.”

  She laughed. “They will not. Nothing has changed, as far as they’re concerned, and I intend to show them that.”

  Smiling, he put an arm around her shoulder. “You’ll see. They’ll be able to tell that things are better between us.”

  She felt a twinge of unease. But she was used to creating an illusion, showing others what they wanted to see. She would do as she always did.

  They walked together down to the breakfast room, and as if to show her that he could affect her concentration on her role, he put her against the wall and kissed her quite thoroughly, until she was limp and trembling. The fact that he couldn’t keep away from her made her feel happy and relieved.

  When they heard giggling, Matthew didn’t release her although she stiffened, her hands pressing on his chest as they both looked up. His sisters waved and retreated into the breakfast room, leaving them alone.

  Emily sighed. “You did that on purpose, as if to prove to me that people would notice us. You didn’t even give me a chance to behave as I always do.”

  “I don’t want you to behave as you always do,” he said, nuzzling beneath her ear. “You don’t always have to be in control, Emily, not anymore.”

  “How can you say that?” she whispered back, still playing reluctant. “If I’m not in control, I’ll slip up; I’ll make a mistake, and then where would we be? You’d lose yourself the convenience of a mistress, and I would be banished, if not find myself in jail.”

  He stepped back and lifted her hands to kiss the back of both. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you, sweetheart.”

  I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Even though it was all a game to him. She was a new favorite toy that he could take out and play with. She had to make sure he couldn’t do without her. She would be in control of her fate.

  He took her arm and led her into the breakfast room, where the first thing she saw was a smirking Rebecca whispering to Daniel’s wife, Grace. Emily knew Matthew’s prediction about being noticed would come to pass.

  “So there you are,” Christopher said from the head of the table.

  Matthew grinned. “And where else would we be?”

  “I don’t know about today,” Daniel said dryly, “but last night, when I wanted to ask Emily for the pleasure of a dance, we couldn’t find either of you anywhere.”

  Emily smiled, knowing she was blushing, the perfect response. She felt Matthew looking down on her with amusement. He was supposed to behave as if nothing unusual had happened.

  Matthew shrugged. “I was surprised how wearying it was to renew acquaintances with several hundred people. Emily noticed that I had overextended myself and needed to rest.”

  She could barely keep from rolling her eyes. Lady Rosa and the professor exchanged a pleased look. Though everyone else smiled, Emily was quite certain that Daniel and Christopher looked at each other with silent understanding, which confused her.

  Daniel pulled out a chair and said, “Matthew, you had best rest yourself and save your strength, if you’re so frail.”

  “He’s not too frail to kiss Emily,” Rebecca said, “right in the hall where anyone could see.”

  Matthew grinned at her. “I almost swooned in my weakness, and she was holding me up.”

  “With her lips,” Susanna said, blinking at them innocently over her spectacles.

  Emily laughed along with everyone else, playing her part. She’d spent a long time inhabiting the guise of Emily the Wife. It fit her like a glove now.

  “If you are so frail, Matthew,” she said, “perhaps I should fix you a plate at the sideboard.”

  “I’ll manage with your help,” he said.

  He swung his heavy arm around her shoulder and let her lead him to the sideboard to a chorus of chuckles.

  “You would never make a good actor,” she said under her breath.

  He leaned down to whisper in her ear, “Who is acting?”

  She felt pleased at her triumph, but instead of showing it, gave in to an eye roll.

  When they were seated at the table with brimming plates, Matthew turned to Daniel. “And why do I need my strength today?”

  “My sister has a dubious plan,” Christopher said, looking at Elizabeth.

  She grinned. “I proposed an archery contest, so I could show off my new skills.”

  To Emily’s surprise, Matthew shuddered. “You mean so you can find a new target to wound.”

  Elizabeth pouted prettily. “You have been gone too long. I am much better at it. Just ask Abigail, my teacher.”

  Abigail smiled. “She is much improved, but her brother hasn’t given her the chance to prove it.” She eyed her husband speculatively.

  As everyone discussed the idea, Emily could only think of being outside, right in the open, where Stanwood could spy on them all.

  Matthew watched Emily leaving the breakfast room with his sisters. He meant to follow, but he saw Reggie watching him thoughtfully. Catching Reggie’s arm, he pulled him across the corridor to a little parlor, away from his cousins’ excellent hearing.

  He shut the door and turned around to find his friend still regarding him with interest.

  “Do I look like a laboratory specimen, that you study me so?” Matthew ask
ed dryly.

  Reggie grinned. “You look…happy.”

  “I’m always happy.”

  “Then particularly happy.”

  “And you won’t come right out and ask why?”

  Reggie tilted his head. “Why would I demand answers of you? You owe me nothing.”

  “You have been my confidant in all this,” Matthew said, lowering his voice as he walked toward his friend. “It’s only right that you know that Emily and I talked about everything last night.”

  “Everything?” Reggie said, eyes widening.

  “Even my false amnesia. I was right, you know. She was a desperate girl, unable to support herself. She didn’t think she was harming anyone by coming for help. And she wasn’t the one who created the fiction that she was my wife.”

  Reggie smiled. “And now she’s very grateful.”

  That caused Matthew to pause, but he shook off the strange feeling. “We’re both grateful.”

  “Then enjoy yourself, Matthew. You deserve it. I hope it lasts as long as you wish it to.”

  How long was that? Matthew wondered.

  It was a mild, early autumn morning, so Emily and the other ladies were comfortable wearing shawls. The servants had set up a target against a bale of hay on the vast lawn outside the east wing of Madingley Court. Emily thought the target too near the woods, but all seemed to think their aim wouldn’t be a problem.

  The women chose bows, and Emily found herself standing beside Susanna, who looked at her bow dubiously.

  “Is there a problem?” Emily asked.

  “Only that I was never good at this. I didn’t see the need to aim a pointy stick at a target, not when the countryside was there for me to draw.”

  Emily smiled. “It was the one sport I had a chance to compete with against my brothers. I practiced almost every fine day.”

  A large hand settled on her shoulder, and she tamped down her start of fear.

  Matthew said, “You never told me you were an expert at this, Emily.”

  “It never came up.”

  “And I wouldn’t have brought it up,” he countered, “because I, too, had better things to do than aim a pointy stick at a target.”